Crummy Hearts
by FinalFantasyPsycho
Summary: Sora's a fag, Riku's a narcissist, and Kairi can't stop saying Oh Goshy. Rated M to be safe. Mild Riku x Sora.
1. Chapter 1: Thweetcakes

I came up with the idea for this fanfic at 3 in the morning, so don't flame if you don't like it...Oh and, for Sora, since he's a fag in this story, just replace the th with an s, and the story will be a little bit easier to understand. I don't mean to offend anyone by this story, so, please don't flame if you're offended...Hope you enjoy it!

Unfortunately,I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

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Chapter 1 - Thweetcakes

"Hey, thweetcakes," said Sora.

"Oh goshy," said Kairi.

"Do you have any thexy guy friendth?" asked Sora.

"Oh goshy," replied Kairi.

"Can you thay anything besidth "Oh gothy?" asked Sora.

"Oh _my_ goshy," said Kairi.

"Forget it," said the faggy Sora as he walked away as faggily as possible.

A few minutes later, he catches up with Riku. This is how it went...

"Hey thexy," said Sora, talking to Riku.

"Um, excuse me for a minute," said the silver-haired teenager.

Riku turned around and started making out with himself. Sora stared in confusion. A minute later, Riku turned back around and wiped his lips.

"So, you were saying?" asked Riku.

"Um, hey thexy?" said Sora as he turned around and ran as fast as he could away from the narcissist.

_I gueth I'm the only thane one around here..._

Sora caught up with Wakka, who was so stoned that he stuttered every word that he said.

"Y-yo," said Wakka.

"Hey thweety," said Sora.

"M-me a-and T-tidus w-wanted t-to k-know i-if y-you w-want t-to c-chill a-at m-my h-house t-tonight," said Wakka.

"Oh, I'm tho thorry, thweety. I have my aerobicth clath tonight. Maybe thome other time," said Sora, apologizing to Wakka.

"O-oh, t-that's o-okay. S-see y-ya," said Wakka.

"Bye!" said Sora happily as he skipped back to his house for lunch.


	2. Chapter 2: Lunch and Aerobicth

**Okay...this chapter is kind of Riku x Sora, so if you don't like that, then don't read it :P**

**Oh, and just to tell you, I don't really support yaoi, I just think it's funny xD**

**I don't own Kingdom Hearts :-(**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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Chapter 2 - Lunch and Aerobicth

Sora finally got back to his house. It was 12:00 noon. Lunchtime. He walked into the kitchen.

"Yay! It ith time for lunch!" Sora shouted.

"Sora, what would you like for lunch?" his mother asked.

"Hmm..."

Sora got into that thinking position with his arms crossed and his head leaning to the side.

"I'll have a bologna and cheethe thandwich pleath." said Sora.

"Okay, Sora! Coming right up!" said his mother.

Sora walked out of the room and went to go watch some TV while waiting for his food. His father walked into the kitchen.

"Hey honey, don't you think Sora is acting a bit weird lately?" asked Sora's mother.

"Yeah. Ever since he turned gay, he's been talking with a lisp. Kids these days..." Sora's father said as he left the room.

Sora's mother remembered that day clearly. Sora and Riku were hanging out at Sora's house. It was time for dinner, and Sora's mother called them down, as always. When they didn't come down after 20 minutes, she figured she'd go up there and see what they were doing. _They're probably stuck on that video game..._When she opened the door, she didn't see anything. Curious of where they went off to, she opened the closet door. There they were. Kissing. Sora was so embarrassed, that he jumped out his window. Luckily, he had the glide ability, so he didn't fall to the ground. After those events, Riku automatically turned straight again, and became a narcissist. He also gave up on searching for anyone to be with. That's why he became straight, because he knew he would never find another boy like Sora. He became a narcissist, because, if he couldn't be with Sora, than he wouldn't wanna be with anyone else. So, he makesout with himself multiple times each day.

"Sora, your lunch is ready!" shouted Sora's mother.

"THPLENDID! I'm thtarving!" said a hungry Sora.

He ate the sandwich in less than one minute.

"So, Sora, what time is your aerobics class tonight?" asked Sora's mother.

"Aerobicth thtarth at 7:00," said Sora.

"Oh, so you should be home around 9:00?" asked Sora's mom.

"Yeth. It ith around 1:00 now, tho I'm going to thee what Kairi ith doing. Well, I'll thee you later, mom!" said Sora as he went to go see what Kairi was up to.

Sora found Kairi at the same place she was last time he spoke to her. She was hitting a palm tree trying to get a coconut to fall down. She finally got one, but it fell on her head, knocking her out.

These were her last words when she saw a coconut about to fall on her head: "Oh goshy!"

"Um...thith ith boring...Kairi, are you okay?" asked Sora.

He didn't get an answer.

"OH WELL. Time to go thee what Thelphie ith doing," said Sora as he skipped over to the dock where Selphie was sitting at.

"HI THELPHIE!" shouted Sora.

"It's Selphie...with an 'S'..." said Selphie.

"That'th what I thaid...Thelphie..." said Sora.

"Sora, how do you pronounce your name?" asked Selphie.

"...Thora..." replied Sora.

"...Just as I thought. Sora, you need some help," said Selphie.

"With what?" asked Sora.

"...Nevermind..." said Selphie.

Selphie had an attitude problem. It really wasn't much, but everytime Wakka asked her out, she'd scream at him, and make him cry. It's not very nice to make boys cry :-(

Sora was tired of talking to Selphie, so he went to go see Riku.

"HEY THEXY!" said Sora, trying to seduce Riku.

"Um...hi..." said Riku.

"WHAT UP BOYFRIEND?" asked Sora, being a little obnoxious.

"Uh...I'm not your boyfriend...and if you don't mind...excuse me for a minute..." said Riku.

Riku turned around, and started making out with himself...again. Sora put on a disgusted face and was so insulted by the fact that Riku didn't care what Sora was trying to do.

"Riku! Knock that off...it'th dithguthting..." said Sora.

Riku turned back around.

"Why not? If I can't have you, then, I don't want anyone else..." said Riku.

Riku's eyes started tearing up, and he covered them with his hands.

"WHY? WHY? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY? WAHHH!" shouted Riku.

"Awe...It'th okay baby...I feel the thame way about you...I wanna be with you, but I can't...I'm thorry, Riku.

"It's okay...I'll just, makeout with myself...and you'll go and find...s-SOMEONE ELSE! WAHHH!" screamed Riku, bursting into tears again.

Sora hugged Riku, and held Riku like a little baby. Riku liked feeling safe...and he put on a cute baby smile for Sora.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS! I LOVE YOU, SORA!" screamed Riku.

"I LOVE YOU TOO, RIKU!" shouted Sora.

Wakka passed by, clapping. He loved those sappy love stories, even if it was two guys instead of a guy and a girl.

They walked back to Riku's house, and went up to Riku's room. Sora shut the door.

"I'm sorry, Sora. Our parents forbid us being together. Just know, that I love you, and I always will," said Riku.

"I love you too, and I know our parenth did thith to keep uth apart, but I know now, that nothing will keep uth apart," said Sora.

Riku and Sora hugged.

Kairi rushed into the room.

"OH GOSHY!" she screamed.

"Oh, thut up," said Sora, sick of her saying "oh goshy."

Sora tied her arms up, Riku tied her legs up, they both threw her in a boat, and sailed her off to some unknown island.

"Riku, I gotta go to my aerobicth clath. I'll thee you later!" said Sora.

"Bye," said Riku.

Sora went to his aerobics class, and worked out for two hours. He got home at 9:00, like he promised. He brushed his teeth, got into his feety pajamas, and went to bed.


	3. Chapter 3: Pizza and a Thleepover

Chapter 3 - Pizza and a Thleepover

Sora woke up. He got changed into his normal clothes. "_I can't wait to go thee Riku_," he thought.

After getting ready, he jumped out his window (it was easier that way, 'cause he had the glide ability) and glided through Riku's window. Riku was still sleeping, and was soon to awake. Since Riku's window was glass, the window shattered. Riku jumped up as a reaction to the noise.

"Oopth, I thought your window wath open..." said Sora.

"Hahaha you scared the crap outta me...and next time...please check if the window is open or closed. Anyway, are you alright?" asked Riku.

"Yeah, I gueth tho. And I gueth that meanth that I'll have to pay the munny for your window..." said Sora.

"I got some bad news. I don't think it's a good idea going out, because people might be a litte suspicious. Besides, I've grown used to making out with myself, and it's kinda fun. You should try it," said Riku.

"B-but...I wanna makeout with you, not with me...that'th not fair!" said Sora, with his eyes tearing up.

"I'm sorry, Sora. I can't be gay. Just know that I'll always love you, okay?" asked Riku.

"Okay..." said Sora, as he put on a puppy face.

"Even a puppy face as cute as that one won't change my mind," said Riku.

"Darnit.." said Sora.

After replacing Riku's window, Riku and Sora went out for some pizza, as friends.

"H-hey, h-have y-you s-seen K-kairi?" asked Wakka.

"Uh...nope. I haven't theen her thince yethterday. Try checking at her houthe," said Sora.

"I-I a-already d-did..." said Wakka, being a little suspicious.

"Oh, and if you wanna know, Sora and I are out AS FRIENDS. Nothing more," said Riku.

"O-oh..o-okay. S-see y-you l-later t-then," said Wakka.

After eating some pizza, Riku and Sora went back to Riku's house and watched some movies. They both convinced their parents that they're not dating and that they're just friends, so they allowed the boys to have a sleepover. They watched the movie "The Ring." Sora squeezed Riku's hand at all the scary parts. Riku shook his hand free from Sora's grip; he didn't want his parents coming in and seeing them holding hands.

After the boys got into bed (SEPERATE BEDS), Sora was scared to death. He thought that some girl was gonna come outta the TV. All of a sudden, he saw a girl with hair covering her face come up to him...

The girl screamed "OH GOSHY!"

"AHHHH!" shouted Sora, scared to death.

Riku jumped up and turned the lights on.

"Oh it'th jutht you..." said Sora.

Being REALLY sick and tired of Kairi's choice of words, Sora threw Kairi out the window and made sure she hit her head on the bricks.

"oh...goshy..." said Kairi before she fell unconscious.

"That thould get rid of her," said Sora.

"Alright then, let's get some sleep," said Riku as he turned out the lights.


End file.
